Wonderings of a 1BHK.

(Well now that Engineering has ended and I am currently jobless, I usually end up thinking about the place I spent my last 4 years in…and thanks to Ninad Jadhav for reminding me that I still had this blog…so I decided to write this piece…nothing too emotional or nostalgic…just a plain summary!...HP)

The Rock Garden during rains.

Hi, I am B-1, 604. I am a part of the Krishna Kamal society in Nerul, Navi Mumbai. Overlooking the picturesque Parsik hill and the newly constructed Rock garden along with its dazzling fountains and breathtaking greenery, I am one of the most desirable flats in all of Nerul. Narcissist…you might call me, but my rent price and testimony from my last tenants should be more than enough to dispel your pre-mature judgments. Everyone says “deewaro ke bhi kaan hote hain”. True. Very true. Ears AND eyes. And today through this page I got a voice too. So here goes...

Sun rising from behind the Parsik Hill.

Every flat grows up wondering what kind of occupant he will find when he is completed. A small loving family, an old couple (who are seldom visited by a small loving family), a bachelor working a 9-to-5 job, or the worst of all: college going students!!! Well I was recently hit with the last kind. I remember back in 2008, two ladies came to ‘check me out’…and then left saying that I would be perfect for the kids. I couldn’t make head or tail of what they were saying then…but in the evening when they came back with 2 full blown teenagers, revelation dawned upon me. Within a week, they were well settled in and I had not the slightest of inkling that the next 4 years would be legen...wait for it…DARY (I learnt this from them and their friends…no idea why they keep repeating it like idiots though. :P)

Anyways, the first year turned out to be pretty uninteresting except for a few of their friends from something called the “IEEE” (which by the way I kept on hearing for the most part of all the 4 years.). Indoor football seems to be something they were very passionate about. Broke a mirror, a pair of spectacles and made some nasty marks on my neatly painted walls. Music, movies, spending most of the time in college or someplace else was kind of their daily routine. There was an exam period in between where you would find both of them sitting at their respective places, one on the table-chair in my hall and the other on his bed inside. By the time their second set of exams for that year came to an end, I had come to the conclusion that these were two decent, innocent and sincere fellows and that I did not have much to worry about. But it was during the last exam of the 1^st year that I realized how wrong I was. The two had gone for the exam and I wasn’t expecting them back before the sun shone on my east wall. But half an hour before they were to arrive, the doors open and in walk, around 6-7 more teenagers. They happened to be the friends of those two and had come to celebrate the end of their 1^st year in college. Well the next three days were a blur…for them...not for me…I just stood there. But for the next three days these guys came in and went out, at the oddest of hours and in the worst of conditions. That’s when I realized the error in my judgment.

After that they left me for about 2 months and then returned for their next year. This session the real wild things began. Parties of a specific kind took place regularly and the number of visitors increased drastically. There were a few older boys who used to come in regularly (sometimes even when both the guys were not at home) and create a ruckus. Both the guys also got themselves a laptop each, which resulted in reduced time for indoor football! It was during this time I noticed that one of the boys would only stick to one place on his bed, day in and day out. His butt seemed to be nailed to that place for the whole of the 4 years. While the other one was regularly absent. He would leave for college in the morn and then reappear early next morning only to drop dead on his bed. And that was, more or less, the state of affairs here for the whole year and the next and the next. The next year, the older guys stopped coming (guess they were done with their coll and stuff), but they were replaced by an even larger bunch of kids, this one including girls. Now this group mainly came to me to celebrate someone’s birthday or plain hanging out purposes.

I have seen these kids through many things during the time they were with me. Laughing, crying, dancing, getting wasted, discussing philosophical/political/scientific matter while wasted, bitching about other people, discussing the politics of that IEEE thingy, etc. And during this time, I started to like these two kids. They were not innocent, but they were not wild either (except that one time…never mind), they were not decent, but they were not vulgar either (umm…no cant talk about that either). There were many memorable events and issues that took place here (some got sorted some didn’t).

• The one with the Tenant and the guy who always came on a Dio and with a pack of sticks (multiple issues).
• The one with the first friend in college who cried (one for each tenant).
• The one with the Truth and Dare.
• The one with the Tenant’s spoilt birthday surprise (twice).
• The one with the intoxicated physical exertion.
• The one with the FULL refrigerator.
• The one with the Scene 1, Scene 2, and Scene 3.
• The one with 2 guys and one whole Teacher(s).
• The one with the 5 hours.
• The one with the All-night Coding.
• The one with 14 chapters and 12 hours.
• The one with the knock on B-1, 401.
• The one with the lost bet and the slap.
• The one with all the seniors.
• The one with the Foosball Championship.
• The one with Dad’s surprise visit.
• The one with the stolen underwear.
• The one with the guy in flowery underwear.
• The one where they learnt that SHE is actually a BITCH (w.r.t. flowery underwear guy).
• The one with the Telugu movie and the broken chair.
• The one with Baba peeing after every game.
• The one with the establishment of VANSH.
• The one with the first Robot and the video.
• The Last Night.

I can go on and on…

During these times, they learnt various lessons; lessons on love, friendship, trust, sincerity. They realized the importance of friends and they realized WHO their friends were (many of them were just my friends…they came only because they needed a room). They helped people and people helped them back. They fought with people and then they patched up. Yes, the times they spend with me can be labeled nothing short of awesome. It’s not the wildness of the parties or how wasted they got here that makes it awesome, but it’s the lessons, the spirit and the friendships that do.

The last year with them would be the most memorable one, simply because of the fact that they had now matured. Even the last party that they had here with two of their closest friends was a mixture of craziness, fun, reminiscence, and solemnity. They have come a long way from where they had started and have left those innocent, decent, uncomplicated fellows behind. Now that I look back at these 4 years, I feel happy to have such tenants and at the awesome times spent together. Wondering how the next tenant would be. From what I hear, he too is a college student A few more years with another adolescent…*sigh*!!! ;-)

Anyways I gotta go now…people are here to repaint my walls. Apparently I am getting readied for another tenant. Another college going buffoon I hear (a dental student who specializing in face surgery…wtf???).

Locking out.

AN OCEAN OF SORROW

So, I am back, leaping over my writer’s block… not that I am a deep intellect overflowing with unfathomable thoughts or profound ideas or something…but yeah I am back - back with something that has caught my eye a number of times. So here goes…

It’s amazing how loneliness brings out a completely different side of a person. A side that their friends and family have never seen and probably never will. Today, every single person lives a hectic life. A life that moves at such a fast pace that no one has the time to stop, look around and realize where it has got them. Yet, there are few moments in people’s lives when they get to think about what they really want, what they already have and what they have lost along the way. What people call “soul-searching”, I like to refer to as “soul-chatting”(trendy aint it???)! It’s in moments like these that, they get a chance to “talk to their soul”. It’s in moments like these the whole reality of their life comes crashing down upon them. No one person is entirely happy or satisfied with their lives. There is always something that they want, something that they miss, and something that they can never have. And though no one will accept it, but mulling over their lives, sitting alone in a dark room or even standing amidst the crowd does involuntarily moisten their eyes.

Mumbai is one of the most fast moving cities of the world. It’s not just another phrase when people call it “the city that never sleeps”! Living in this city, trying to keep up with it is a challenge in itself. And I, being one of the restless lots, have moved around a lot. Standing in a local to Kurla amidst a horde of strange faces (and sweaty arms…and stinky clothes…and weird marks across faces) or hanging for dear life on the door of a bus, or simply walking down a crowded street, you come across all kinds of people…you come across the common man! It is during these outings that I have encountered a variety of people: working people, partying people, rude people, friendly people, tall people, short people, hot chics, self-proclaimed-studs, loud people, braggarts, pushovers and many more. Just sitting beside them and listening to their conversations (no…not eavesdropping…listening!!!) can tell you a lot about them.

But it’s the quiet ones that intrigue me the most. There I was, in a train to Baroda, sitting near the window and listening to “Dream On” by Aerosmith. Although I did have my eye on this super-cute girl (around 25-27) too, sitting at the window on the other side of the aisle. From the time the train had begun its journey, every time I looked at her, I found her gazing out the window into the darkness. I assumed that she was simply enjoying the weather. How wrong I was!!! For the next hour my head would turn every 5 min to take a look at her. On one such instance, as I watched, I saw a tiny tear slide down her pretty cheeks, which she wiped away even before it had reached her lips. She looked around, checking if anyone had seen her and composed herself. And though I did not see another tear for the rest of the journey, her face clearly showed the pain and turmoil she was in. Meanwhile, I kept wondering what problem in her life could be so big, so painful, that thinking about it, made her oblivious to her surroundings and brought tears to those beautiful eyes. I did not know who she was. I did not know where she came from, or how her relationships have been working out. And that is why I could not begin to contemplate what was troubling her. Yet I couldn’t help the feeling I got in my chest every time I looked at those glistening eyes, trying their best not to spill another drop.

Over the time, I came across many such people. The guy standing on the door of the last local to Panvel, the girl in the bus to Bandra, a fleeting look at the lady with red-eyes in the rickshaw speeding by, a girl sitting alone on the rocks at Marine Drive. Each one of them lost in the maze of their own thoughts, crying silently, not bothered about who was looking or what they said. Every time I saw one of them, I felt like going up to them and comforting them. But I didn’t…because…well let’s admit it…it is kind of weird. But yeah, I did feel something...compassion maybe…each of those times. I wished that I could go up to them and tell them that whatever it was, that troubled their minds will pass away. There will come a time when you will look back at this moment and laugh at these very tears. Letting go of the past is not easy, but holding onto it is not worth wasting away your present. How wrong I was!!!

It took me a while to realize that it’s not just the above mentioned sad-eyes, but every single person has a burden that they carry with them all along. And when the pressure of this burden becomes too hot to handle, the pain then pours out in the form of those tiny, shimmering droplets that make that person liable to judgments and annotations by on-lookers. And if this is how people express their pain while in public, I can only imagine what every single person goes through when he/she is alone. Without anyone around to judge, laugh at or interrupt them, nothing would stop the onslaught of those tears. And, I say, nothing should. Let the tears flow, and let yourself go like you have never cried before. Before long you will come to a point, when, somewhere within, you will find the courage to wipe off your own tears and move on. You will realize that you can’t just sit there and cry your heart out forever. No matter how hard you try you will not be able to forget the past. Nobody will ask you to! Rather, embrace the past. Make it a part of who you are. Cherish the ones you have lost. Learn from the mistakes you made. It’s like the lines by Aerosmith:

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

One thing I knew for sure was that I will never go through this kind of breakdown in my life. How wrong I was!!!

Unsaid

He walked back from school
Carrying a heavy bag behind
Kicked a stone across the road
Not a single thought in his mind

He turned round the corner
To the street he knew so well
Where he learnt to ride his bicycle
There was the spot where he first fell

Something was different today
The atmosphere changed abruptly
There were cars parked all across the street
People stood near his house quietly

He walked into the house
His eyes clouded with confusion
Crossing the herd of men and women
Looking at him with compassion

He called for his mother
To ask her what was wrong
She came out of nowhere
To hug him hard and long

He realised she was crying
His heart started beating faster
And that was when he noticed
The lifeless body of his father

Perplexed he entered his room
With his mother close behind
She held his hand in hers
Her eyes with tears did shine

She explained to him
That his father had left ’em all
And that while fixing the antenna
On the roof he had a bad fall

She didn’t say much after that
Words were difficult to come by
Her lips quivered
She couldn’t help but cry

He stood there numb
As his mother left
Alone in the darkness
Feeling betrayed and bereft

That was when he remembered
The moment last night
When his father had entered his room
To tuck him in and wish him good night

‘I love you son’, he had said
Now he wished he had tried
To voice his feelings, but
‘Good night dad’ was all he replied

How he wished he had spoken
Spoken out his mind
But now he had lost his chance
If only he had more time

To let him know how he felt
To tell him what he meant to him
To thank his own Superman
To thank him for every single thing

Memories of his father
Flashed through his mind
Of the evening football games
And the delicious barbecue nights

From helping him with his science project
And baking him his birthday cake
To teaching him how to fish
Down in the nearby lake

His father was always by his side
When he was sick and weak
Remembering that man he loved
Brought a tear down his cheek

Tonight he will say it
Before going to bed
Hoping that his father would hear
What he had left unsaid.

JUSTICE DELAYED IS…WELL, JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE OFFICE OF THE INDIAN JUDICIARY

Even now as you read this post, Warren Anderson, ex-chairman of Union Carbide India Ltd, might be sipping tea in the comfort of his luxurious home in upscale Bridgehampton, New York, while the victims of the Bhopal Gas Tragedy continue their 25 year long struggle against life. 25 years!! And there is still no justice for these innocent sufferers and their families. And what punishment did Mr. Anderson get…a couple of days in the jail followed by bail and the next day he was flying back to America never to set foot here again. Although it is an unfair comparison, but one cannot help but notice, that the efforts put in by the government of India to extradite Anderson from USA are puny in front of the efforts put in by the government of America on the subject of the oil spill by British Petroleum in the Gulf of Mexico.

Even keeping aside this event (which includes the death of over 20k and continued illness of over 120k people in Bhopal), the judiciary of India has not been very effective in doing its job. Starting from the local panchayats in remote villages to the Supreme Court of India, the only decision a victim hears is "The case is adjourned until… ". Funnily enough, it is as the famous Bollywood actor screamed in one of his movies: "Tareekh pe Tareekh...Tareekh pe tareekh…aur phir milti hai tareekh"!!! The number of cases pending in all the courts in India might have even crossed the total population of the country. And imagine the plight of the one who has appealed, when the accused (rich and influential), walks free due to a certain loophole in the system, cleverly dug out by their lawyer or attorney. Yes. The very same lawyers and attorneys who studied hard and worked all their life to be someone whose responsibility is to uphold the integrity of that very judicial system. Although I must applaud this technique of our system in which the case is postponed time and again. This very ingenious practise results in the case being stretched for so long a period of time that either both or one of the parties involved are dead or one of them loses interest/loses faith/cant afford to carry on. There are times when the system has drained families and individuals of their wealth, health, their trust in the government, and their faith in humanity. Sometimes women empowerment bodies or other such committees join the fight and provide the petitioner with fuel to keep the flame alive, but are otherwise worthless. And sometimes the trauma or humiliation becomes too much for the person to handle and, if not by natural circumstances, he is driven to commit suicide. Take the case of Jessica Lal murder. Although Sabrina Lal kept fighting, her father, who had already lost his one daughter, gave in to a heart attack. So, when along with letting criminals walk free and delaying justice, a judicial system is also responsible for early deaths of innocent people, how safe and satisfied are the people living under that system. Chilling thought, isn't it?

Even if a decision is made and a person is convicted of the crime he has committed, there is always a chance that he can challenge the decision in a higher court thus delaying justice even longer. Even then the accused might get off with only a life sentence, which contrary to what I believed earlier, is not a prison term for the rest of his life but only a 14 year prison term. How fair is it when a person found guilty of committing a heinous crime is given only 14 years in prison when the victims are left to suffer for the rest of their lifetimes?

One will say that change can be brought in this country. If we attempt to cover the loopholes in the current system, there might be a slight possibility of justice being served to the right people. But who, do you think, has the power, patience, courage and material to bring about such a change? The politicians will dare not mess with this issue, because, if not already, sooner or later this very system will be the one that can save their sorry ass. If they are successful in bringing about the required change, hypothetically speaking that is, how will they ever be able to get out of a tight situation if the need arises in the future? The fact of the matter is that, only the current system is capable of providing these power-hungry netas with loopholes that can help them escape the jaws of law and order. Well, what about certain powerful individuals, who with the right motive, influence and financial power can help revamp the system. But again the question arises…who? The industrialists are too busy trying to improve their profit sheets that they won't care about such matters except, of course, when their or their brand name is at stake. We can expect the celebs to start a motion for change, but that will happen when they get time from shooting for movies as well as ads, posing for page 3, hosting shows, their link-ups, their break-ups, and for a few when they get out of controversies themselves. But I am sure that this thought will have surely crossed the minds of, the likes of Sanjay Dutt and Salman Khan.

The truth is that the thought of revamping the system is, not a little, but too far-fetched. And an even bitter truth is that even if the system is reformed, the running of the whole government will take a hit. Half the members of all the bodies will be facing prison term. Empty parliament seats, overflowing prisons, big industries running without their leaders…it will be a very long time before the country can get used to this change. And in the mean time, not just the political, but the financial and social world will stumble like a heap of dominoes. So the conclusion…I would say is to let the system run as it always has and that we continue doing what we do best, carrying out protests, rallies and organising candle-lit processions. And hope that some individuals or groups will try to take on the system by its horns. And that he will bring about change one step, one law at a time.

YOU GAIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME

There's always a bigger picture!!
Having missed the "bus to heaven", I decided to create my own heaven down here on earth in my 6^th floor flat in Nerul. A few phone calls were the only ingredients required to make my own private heaven. Having invited two of my closest school friends, we started making plans for the next three days. Obviously, none of them quite worked out, because....well...simply because we made them. As it turned out, the-guy-with-the-protruding-belly had to leave on the second day, as he had tests coming up in which he had, like always, vowed to top. While the gold-chain guy also planned to leave early on the third day.
After the initial hi-hello's (which included some hard back-slapping, a few baseless accusations, and random foul words), we sat down to catch up on the latest happenings in each other's lives. You don't really need to join a facebook group to remind you that your school days are the golden days of your lifetime. Within a few minutes we were down on the floor laughing our asses off remembering the "best days of our lives". Now I don't exactly remember the order or the reason for the following events, but something provoked the belly-guy to bring out the bucket and start splashing water all around the place. Within minutes each and every one of us was soaked from head to toe. Our living room turned into a mini-pool and we had trouble walking straight on the water. The pic below will always remind us of our first "holi" together.
Now it was time for some tummy-tucking. This was the time when everyone started digging out each others achievements and other important recent events in their life so that someone would take up the most important task of paying the bill. Birthdays, scholarships, ridiculously good results, new bikes, and many other such events were being taken into consideration. After a long, heated discussion, the BP guy was chosen, whose wallet was to be robbed that night.PARTY!!!!! But the belly-guy very modestly offered to pay for the most important items for the night. At this point of time, we also remebered a bet we made long back. The outcome of the bet resulted in a flash of lightening, the sound of thunder and then a secret was born...a secret that was classified above top secret. By the way, I havent forgotten that I too owe the gold-chain guy a special party for his special achievement. (Dude, though I am still proud of you, you will get the party only if the connection is permanently terminated). His special achievement???...well, lets just say, that I wish I was there at two places at 'that' time: one on his side of the conversation and on other side as well, to look at both their faces.
After dinner, we got back home to finish the rest of the party. This part of the night can be described by only one word: CRAZY. Never before I imagine that one has run races(at inappropriate spots), sung songs(again at inappropriate spots), worked on their verbal skills, and their physical health in just one night...not to mention some commendable experimentation and one wild,wild ride!!!
So, finally, the day ended(at 4 in the morning) and the only thing left to do now is to thank my friends for turning my days of 'hell' into something special...into heaven!!! You guys rock!!!

CHASING LIBERTY

You don't realise the importance of freedom till it is snatched away from you.

Staying away from home, me and my freedom took to new heights and soared high for a year and a half till an incident occurred that brought us both crashing down to the earth(read as reality). As a result a few tough decisions, a few much-needed restrictions and a few agonising sacrifices were made.

During this time I realised, that when you are in the deepest of the troubles, your friends come up with the most desirable and mouth-watering plans, which you have to pass by rather unwillingly. Having hit the reality head-on, my friends put forward one such plan...a plan of which I had heard a lot...a plan which I had visualised a hundred times in my mind....a plan which I would give anything to take part in. I just knew I had to join the party...but my mind told me that I didn't deserve this break given the previous events. Hours of thinking and assessment led me to the decision that going along with this plan wasn't in my best interests right now. My decision was met by angry glares, a few foul words, and some successful attempts to change my mind. Over the next few weeks, I kept dangling between a 'yes' and a 'no'. But alas! Tough times called for tough decisions. Carrying the weight of all the troubles I was in, I finally refused, knowing very well that I was going to regret this decision for the rest of my life.

Following the afore-mentioned crash, my parents tried very hard to force some sense into me and in the process also took away from me a few things which were very dear to me. But it wasn't necessary, as, for me, this was one of those phases in life when you know what is right and what is wrong without anyone having to tell you that. It was one of those phases when your priorities align themselves in the right order and the path which you should be taking opens up automatically in front of you blocking all other wrong paths you could have taken. During this time, you yourself know what is right for you and the wise words of everyone else around you don't really matter anymore. Thus, along with the loss and sacrifice came sense and a will to turn the tables around. And then the much-needed restrictions were imposed by me upon myself. A very important lesson I learned at this time is that change is necessary for a person to evolve. Although I am missing out on a few of the precious things in life, I am sure things will turn out in a better way than they are right now. I am sure that these decisions, restrictions, and sacrifices will have a positive long-term effect for me.

Walking down empty roads, late in the night, with my faithful companion in my hands, I realise that there is a very thin line between the use and misuse of the freedom given to you...the same line that divides success and failure....the same line that divides good and bad. Someone very rightly told me that liberty is not given to you on a platter, it has to be earned. Having finally understood the meaning of this statement, I have now decided to earn my liberties back. One more chance is all I need.

THE DREAM...

I had a dream

Not again they said

But they wouldn't understand

The feelings of my heart,

The thoughts in my head

 

I was back on the beach

The silent spectator

And there she stood

As glorious as ever

 

Under the moon light

Eclipsing the stars

A grand symphony

A masterpiece of art

 

She moved elegantly

As would an angel

Her face radiant with light

And her eyes did twinkle

 

I took my place beside her

And she smiled at me

But it didn't reach her eyes

They were filled with grief

 

I remember her smile

And the laugh on her face

When the time stood still

And she held my gaze

 

But today 'twas different

The brilliance was gone

The sky changed colour

Darkness gave way to dawn

 

The clouds came in

And it started to rain

Water splashed across her face

Hiding the tears of pain

 

I reached out for her

Knowing that time was short

I knew why she was down

I too had given it some thought

 

Cos every morning I woke

My eyes blinded by her face

And I went about my day

As if running a lost race

 

I wondered where she was

I wondered who she was

Will we ever meet?

Or will I forever be at a loss

 

How long I thought

Will this go on,

Will these mesmerizing dreams

Torture me on

 

I held her close

As close as could be

Cos more than anywhere else

This was where I wanted to be

 

It was then that I decided

That no matter what brings the future

This dream is and shall

Forever remain my greatest treasure

 

Looking into her eyes

I made her this promise

Held her smiling face in my hands

And sealed it with a kiss.