So, I am back, leaping over my writer’s block… not that I am a deep intellect overflowing with unfathomable thoughts or profound ideas or something…but yeah I am back - back with something that has caught my eye a number of times. So here goes…It’s amazing how loneliness brings out a completely different side of a person. A side that their friends and family have never seen and probably never will. Today, every single person lives a hectic life. A life that moves at such a fast pace that no one has the time to stop, look around and realize where it has got them. Yet, there are few moments in people’s lives when they get to think about what they really want, what they already have and what they have lost along the way. What people call “soul-searching”, I like to refer to as “soul-chatting”(trendy aint it???)! It’s in moments like these that, they get a chance to “talk to their soul”. It’s in moments like these the whole reality of their life comes crashing down upon them. No one person is entirely happy or satisfied with their lives. There is always something that they want, something that they miss, and something that they can never have. And though no one will accept it, but mulling over their lives, sitting alone in a dark room or even standing amidst the crowd does involuntarily moisten their eyes.
Mumbai is one of the most fast moving cities of the world. It’s not just another phrase when people call it “the city that never sleeps”! Living in this city, trying to keep up with it is a challenge in itself. And I, being one of the restless lots, have moved around a lot. Standing in a local to Kurla amidst a horde of strange faces (and sweaty arms…and stinky clothes…and weird marks across faces) or hanging for dear life on the door of a bus, or simply walking down a crowded street, you come across all kinds of people…you come across the common man! It is during these outings that I have encountered a variety of people: working people, partying people, rude people, friendly people, tall people, short people, hot chics, self-proclaimed-studs, loud people, braggarts, pushovers and many more. Just sitting beside them and listening to their conversations (no…not eavesdropping…listening!!!) can tell you a lot about them.
But it’s the quiet ones that intrigue me the most. There I was, in a train to Baroda, sitting near the window and listening to “Dream On” by Aerosmith. Although I did have my eye on this super-cute girl (around 25-27) too, sitting at the window on the other side of the aisle. From the time the train had begun its journey, every time I looked at her, I found her gazing out the window into the darkness. I assumed that she was simply enjoying the weather. How wrong I was!!! For the next hour my head would turn every 5 min to take a look at her. On one such instance, as I watched, I saw a tiny tear slide down her pretty cheeks, which she wiped away even before it had reached her lips. She looked around, checking if anyone had seen her and composed herself. And though I did not see another tear for the rest of the journey, her face clearly showed the pain and turmoil she was in. Meanwhile, I kept wondering what problem in her life could be so big, so painful, that thinking about it, made her oblivious to her surroundings and brought tears to those beautiful eyes. I did not know who she was. I did not know where she came from, or how her relationships have been working out. And that is why I could not begin to contemplate what was troubling her. Yet I couldn’t help the feeling I got in my chest every time I looked at those glistening eyes, trying their best not to spill another drop.
Over the time, I came across many such people. The guy standing on the door of the last local to Panvel, the girl in the bus to Bandra, a fleeting look at the lady with red-eyes in the rickshaw speeding by, a girl sitting alone on the rocks at Marine Drive. Each one of them lost in the maze of their own thoughts, crying silently, not bothered about who was looking or what they said. Every time I saw one of them, I felt like going up to them and comforting them. But I didn’t…because…well let’s admit it…it is kind of weird. But yeah, I did feel something...compassion maybe…each of those times. I wished that I could go up to them and tell them that whatever it was, that troubled their minds will pass away. There will come a time when you will look back at this moment and laugh at these very tears. Letting go of the past is not easy, but holding onto it is not worth wasting away your present. How wrong I was!!!It took me a while to realize that it’s not just the above mentioned sad-eyes, but every single person has a burden that they carry with them all along. And when the pressure of this burden becomes too hot to handle, the pain then pours out in the form of those tiny, shimmering droplets that make that person liable to judgments and annotations by on-lookers. And if this is how people express their pain while in public, I can only imagine what every single person goes through when he/she is alone. Without anyone around to judge, laugh at or interrupt them, nothing would stop the onslaught of those tears. And, I say, nothing should. Let the tears flow, and let yourself go like you have never cried before. Before long you will come to a point, when, somewhere within, you will find the courage to wipe off your own tears and move on. You will realize that you can’t just sit there and cry your heart out forever. No matter how hard you try you will not be able to forget the past. Nobody will ask you to! Rather, embrace the past. Make it a part of who you are. Cherish the ones you have lost. Learn from the mistakes you made. It’s like the lines by Aerosmith:
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away
One thing I knew for sure was that I will never go through this kind of breakdown in my life. How wrong I was!!!
